I know you are but what am I?

I've often heard the phrase, "When I became a man I put away childish things," but I never really knew its source. It seems reasonable. It seems accurate. We all begin in a state of childhood, and most of us grow into adulthood.

So, when I came across this again, it included some context I had not heard. It went like this:

"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."

Well, that's a decidedly different spin on it. How do I put away childish things yet do not fear being childish? How does a man grow up without retaining the desire to be grown up?

Where does this come from, and what does it mean?

It took very little research to find it. This is from C. S. Lewis, the prolific writer, famous for his children's books in the Chronicles of Narnia series. But he is also a very well known Christian writer; some might consider an important Christian philosopher.

I also recalled the Bible mentioned a strikingly similar phrase in a New Testament verse.

"When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me." - 1 Corinthians 13:11

This seems to be very straightforward. Once one becomes a man, childhood ends. So how can such a well-versed Christian writer and thinker like Lewis say something which seems so contradictory to the Bible he knows so well?

The answer is, of course, found in scripture, too. In the same chapter, even. The entire chapter provides the context. Love.

"If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing." - 1 Cor 13:2

The entire chapter talks about what you can have or can do, but without love, you have nothing. But what is love? How can you have love? Again, the verse tells you.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." - 1 Cor 13:4-7

I'm sure you are asking, "How does love and childishness relate?" Ah, but you've already missed the point. Lewis says to, "put away childish things," but also to "put away" the "fear of childishness." Childishness is centered around unbridled love. The love of the new, or the love of the well known. Just as a child loves a new toy, they also love their old toys. They love a new friend, and they love their 'old' friends. Children are filled with the purest joy. Are we to fear joy? Fear love?

Lewis understood that to fear childishness was to reject love.

Likewise, desiring to be grown is what only children do. They need to grow and mature, so they set about becoming an adult with a seriousness only children can have. Adults have no need for this seriousness. We are already grown. What would adults seek to become - older? We have obtained the heights; we should admire the view.

If our goal is to be seen as adult by other adults, to gain their approval, we aren't seeking love. Love does not boast. Love is not proud. And if other adults judge us for our 'adulthood', then they do not love us.

We should be joyful in our achievement, but we should not fear childishness. Childishness brought us joy once, and it should bring us joy any time we wish.

And here I found the full context of Lewis's quote. And it shows his complete understanding of the scripture about being an adult and about putting away our childish things. It isn't childishness we are to put away. It is the fear of being childish. When we put away the fear, we replace it with love. We cherish childishness.

"Critics who treat adult as a term of approval, instead of as a merely descriptive term, cannot be adult themselves. To be concerned about being grown up, to admire the grown up because it is grown up, to blush at the suspicion of being childish; these things are the marks of childhood and adolescence. And in childhood and adolescence they are, in moderation, healthy symptoms.

Young things ought to want to grow. But to carry on into middle life or even into early manhood this concern about being adult is a mark of really arrested development. When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up." - C. S. Lewis, Of Other Worlds: Essays and Stories, Part I: 'On Three Ways of Writing For Children'

reminiscing on burying the hatchet

always remember, when burying the hatchet, you aren't the only one who knows its location... watch your back.

and when turning the other cheek, you can expect that one to get slapped, too.

on a personal note, i find it amusing that it does not matter how much i wish to extend the olive branch, i always seem to end up with olive-branch lash marks for my troubles... today i spent time with one step-son, supporting him in his college career and choices in life... it's always a pleasure to see him... in doing so, i tried to be friendly and cordial with my other step-son, whom is the diametrically opposite the first... no matter how hard i try, it is never a pleasure.

i'm not going to delude you (or myself) with the illusion that his an our issues are not mutual... we have both done things which should not have been done; said things which should not have been said... some things are water under the bridge; some flood over... but today, it was to be a détente‎, a mutual cease-fire for the sake of the family and to enjoy some family time; to bond over the mutual good fortune of our relative... it might as well have been the Tet Offensive.

we were talking about several movies; older movies, new movies, spoilers for movies... my wife brought up the upcoming movie of "God Isn't Dead"... i could feel my heart sink, as i knew that he wouldn't have let a religious reference go unchallenged; him being the faithful atheist zealot he is... his derisive comment was, "You know that's not based on a true story," as if we were thinking Kevin Sorbo and Dean Cain just happened to be part of some documentary.

i should have let it go... i knew it at the time... my brain knew it, at least... my mouth didn't get the memo.

"That's why it's called a movie," i said, too much sarcasm in my voice... "Who thinks this is based on fact?"... to which he replied, "The same people who think The Passion of the Christ is based on fact."

okay... what do i do?... do i go on the offensive and provide some comments about his own beliefs (or lack thereof) or do i sit back and allow him to insult me and my wife (his mother) some more?... as i have allowed him to spit his derision in my face for several years, i suppose it is partly my fault... but, as i have made it clear that i won't allow that; i face a dilemma... do i go back to being spat upon, or do i do something about it?

i chose to just leave... call it a day... throw in the towel... move on... forgive-and-, well, i'm short on forgiveness these days... i can only take being kicked so much... so leaving seemed the best route... not classy, but it removes me from the situation.

speaking of classy... i'm short on that these days, too... he had his shit-eating grin, looking forward to shaking my hand on leaving... kind of his own little, "Well, that point goes to me"... i don't plan on losing well.

"F-U"... and i walk away.

well, apparently that was not what he wanted to hear... it definitely wasn't what should have been said... but i'll admit i felt much better haven gotten that off my chest.

i hope he got the same relief from the following bits he had to say in return... these are my favorite bits:
"You can't talk to me like that in front of my family"... yet he has never had that same restriction.
"You don't deserve my mom and brother"... a common refrain from his teenage years when i was dating his mother... Oedipus much?
"You've never respected me"... now that's not true, but how long can you respect someone who (figuratively, of course) defecates on you time and time again?... what am i, in an abusive relationship?... yet i keep coming back... maybe i am.
"I'm the only one who stands up to you"... obviously, he has a delusional image of married life... and his brother has, but not in that in-your-face manner, but in a more passive-aggressive mode... sometimes, he'll even sit down and discuss his issues with me... he, i respect.

i should learn from this experience... i should still walk away, but i should also let him have his hollow victory... i should shake his hand and wish him well... i know that one day, he'll treat someone else with the same mocking derision... someone who doesn't have the family ties to restrain him... one day, that someone will break his jaw... and he'll learn a very hard lesson; one i have tried to spare him for some time... but you can lead a horse to water; you can't make him think.

the greatest lesson i learned from this incident is going to remain my secret... but i have learned that he has a tell (like in poker)... and when i saw it, i couldn't suppress a grin.

i feel bad about that grin.

i'm going home and taking my toys

"Eric, don't call my bluff," Obama said according to Cantor moments before storming out of the meeting. "I'm going to take this to the American people."

i guess Obama isn't going to have the "adult conversation" he so dearly wanted... but if he's going to walk out on the discussion, i hope he has a good reason... and not some political passing of the buck... we're running out of bucks to pass, literally.

The Simplicity of Being Young

sometimes (actually, ALL the time) it's easier to be young... when you're a child/teen/adolescent, some adult is always looking out for you... in rare cases of neglect, this may not be true... but in general terms, someone has your best interest in mind... be it parent or teacher or pastor, someone is protecting the youth from harm... sometimes, we even have to protect them from themselves.

often (actually, ALL the time) youth don't appreciate what has been done for them... and when they become an adult, they are surprised at all the dangers which "suddenly" face them on a daily basis... but it's not that the dangers are new... it's that the danger is new to them.

i just read an example of this... it's a "friend of a friend of a friend" situation, so there's no need for names.

this young man (i.e. new adult, 20-something) contracted a viral infection... being young, he just felt tired... he wore out more easily than he did the week before... so he drank more caffeine and moved on... shortly thereafter, he was exposed to (what he was told was) "black mold", which can be toxic and cause several health issues... to combat this, he used "Broncaid", which is a medicine to ease and relieve shortness of breath and coughing associated with bronchial asthma... he also moved from coffee and soda to energy drinks, like Red Bull... while all of this got him through the day, it didn't solve the problem... so, thinking if a little does a little good, then a lot must do a lot of good, he took a couple extra Broncaids, along with his Red Bulls... about five Red Bulls.

he woke up in the hospital, where apparently, he flatlined (i.e. died) at least once.

so, if an adult (i.e. parent, teacher, pastor, police officer, crossing guard, etc.) doesn't let a child do something that they want (i.e. stay up late, drink energy drinks, eat sweets, drive across state lines, see R-rated movies, etc.), it is generally for the good of the child.

when this young man has a child (thus, becoming the defacto adult), you can bet the experience gained will frustrate his child... his child will probably want to stay up late, drink energy drinks, and take cold medicine... and the adult will say, "No, no, and no".

and his child will mutter under its breath how stupid adults are... but maybe, just maybe, they won't end up in the hospital on a ventilator.